The Ascent: From Finding My Voice to Creating My Outlet
Welcome
Today I share a brief insight into my Ascent stage — one of the three pillars of The Held Edge. Here you will experience an overview of where I’ve come from and why this blog exists. Throughout my blogging journey, I will unfold the pieces in depth; however, here I will provide a preview of the shoreline as a whole: Held, Becoming, and Ascent.
Held — Panic, Survival, and Needing to Be Carried
Eight years ago, I was going through my second divorce and having panic attacks almost daily. I shook with anxiety, regularly thought about escaping through suicide, and lived in a space where I needed reassurance and support. What I needed most was to be Held.
For four years, I pushed through. I went to Al-Anon. I tried talk therapy. The panic slowly lessened, the shaking subsided, and suicidal thoughts became less frequent. But the truth is, I was still just surviving. The immediate threat had passed, life looked more settled on the outside, but inside I was still barely getting by.
Becoming — The Breaking Point That Changed Everything
That’s when I hit my Breaking Point — the moment I told myself, “This is not who I want to be, and this is not how I want to live.”
That was the beginning of my Becoming. I began to discover who I really was, explored new hobbies and ways of thinking, and slowly turned “I can’t” into “I can.”
Ascent — Finding My Outlet and Moving Forward
Now I find myself in the space between Becoming and arriving — the Ascent. I’m still triggered, but it’s less, and I’ve learned to recognize what’s happening and adjust. Anxiety and depression remain present, and maybe always will, but calm comes more easily. Sadness that once stretched on for weeks lingers only a day or two, and neither has the grip it once did.
I’ve found my voice, come to understand my worth, and continue to learn, grow, and move forward.
That seeking is what brought me here, to The Held Edge. For years, I wrestled with what I could do to give back, to grow, and maybe one day create something sustainable. I thought about becoming a Nurse Practitioner, but the debt from my RN-BSN program was already overwhelming. I loved my time in home health — guiding patients through their own breaking points, helping them move from denial into management — and I even considered health coaching. My professors told me I was a strong writer, and I had two articles published in a local magazine. But freelance writing felt empty. My best writing comes from passion, not assignment.
Then one day, while listening to a Mel Robbins podcast, something shifted. She was interviewing a guest about creating a life not fully dependent on an employer. They suggested asking friends what they thought you were good at and using it — not just for income, but as a way to step into something more freeing and meaningful. And then Mel said something that landed deep in me: “Why not you?”
Those three words pulled together everything I had been learning and struggling through, but never claimed: Why not me?
I texted a few close friends. Their answers were almost identical: my insight from lived experience, my communication skills, and my ability to write in a way that connects. That was the confirmation I needed. Within weeks, I taught myself how to build a website and launched this blog.
The truth is, this blog wasn’t born out of survival. It came from the Ascent — the forward motion that follows the hard work of Becoming. It took years of growth and learning, opening myself up to feedback and change. Seizing opportunity and taking action, one step at a time. Writing is my way to mark the onward steps, to gather what I fought for, and to share it with anyone else ready to rise.
I went from a scared, timid woman drowning in a storm of crashing waves to confidently standing on the hull of the ship, shouting: Onward.
Join the Journey
This is only the beginning. If you want to go deeper, you can read more about my Breaking Point or explore my September self-care reflections. Each stage has its own stories and practices, but together they create the shoreline of The Held Edge. Wherever you find yourself — Held, Becoming, or Ascent — there is space for you here.
